What it is and how to stop it?
How to stop it. Tracing calls and txt messages.
Bullying is an experience which can take many forms, making it extremely difficult to define. Children, young people and adults can bully. The nature of bullying is changing and evolving as technology develops. Bullying is harmful to all those involved, not just the bullied. Research and expertise suggest that bullying can have serious long-term negative effects on children and young people. It can lead to self-doubt, a lack of general well-being, low self esteem, a lack of confidence, depression, anxiety, self-harm and sometimes even suicide. It may prevent children and young people from achieving their full potential at school and in life.
Bullying generally fits into one of two categories: emotional or physical, harmful behaviour. This includes:
Name-calling, taunting, mocking, making offensive comments, kicking, hitting, pushing, taking belongings, phone calls, text messaging, emailing, gossiping, excluding people from groups and spreading hurtful and untruthful rumours.
The definitions can be different and individuals have different experiences. However from what is heard from children and young people bullying is repetitive, wilful and persistent. It is intentionally harmful and carried out by an individual or a group. It is an imbalance of power leaving the victim feeling defenceless.
¨ Bruises.
¨ Broken or missing possessions.
¨ Being withdrawn
¨ Changes in eating habits.
¨ Sleeping badly.
¨ Complaints of headaches or stomach aches.
¨ Bedwetting.
¨ Worrying about going out of the house.
¨ Worrying about going to school.
But there could be other reasons for these symptoms so do not jump to conclusions.
¨ DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE the distress and the destructive effect that constant bullying and harassment can have on the victim and their family.
¨ Get help immediately from a trusted parent - you cannot handle bullying alone. Adults cannot handle bullying by themselves. The bullies, who operate outside social norms, will try to isolate and separate you from friends, family and parents, but don't be fooled.
¨ Learn to recognise the early signs and keep a detailed diary.
¨ Mobile phones have become the new weapon of choice for bullies. Anonymity, sluggishness of telecommunications service providers, and the weakness of law provide bullies with the perfect means of taunting their target with little fear of being caught. Text messages provide complete anonymity.
¨ Many pay-as-you-go mobile phones can be bought over the counter and do not require proof of identity, nor is any record kept of the new owner. Calls made from these types of mobile phone are virtually untraceable.
¨ Mobile phones and SMS text messages are an important part of the lives of millions of people in the world. Unfortunately, some people only use them as a new way to bully others.
What it is and how to stop it?
¨ Phone bullies can use mobiles to get at you any time.
¨ Phone bullying is when someone abuses or threatens you and it’s just as bad as them doing it at school or in the street. And because there’s loads you can do with mobiles and PCs, like checking emails on your mobile, picture messages and online chat, someone could also use those to text bully you through your mobile or PC.
¨ Abusive phone calls. These could be anything from silent "breather" phone calls to swearing and shouting or making threats.
¨ If scaring someone is the goal, then this certainly counts as bullying. Making these sorts of calls is illegal, and there’s a lot that victims can do to stop them.
How to stop it. Tracing calls and txt messages.
¨ Phone companies can trace many calls to a specific number, but if the person owns a pay-as-you-go phone with no record of their identity then tracing them will be a lot harder. Nevertheless, you should always make a complaint to the police, and to your mobile company, as they should be able to help narrow down the problem.
¨ Print off the messages if you are able, otherwise make a careful note of every one, the date, time, the caller-ID if available, or the reason for the caller-ID being unavailable (e.g. "withheld", "unavailable", etc) - even this can prove useful.
¨ Very often bullies will find ways to hide their numbers from the person receiving the message, in some cases using other people's phones to avoid being found out.
¨ Regard your old mobile phone as a source of evidence. Every abusive call is a more evidence. If the calls reach such a level that you need to involve the police, perhaps they might want to look after your old mobile phone. Then there's a peculiar delight in knowing that every time the bully makes abusive calls or posts offensive text messages these are going straight to the police station.
¨ Let’s not forget mobile phones are great. You can stay in touch with your mates, chat to new friends, and have fun with cool ringtones, photos and video clips.
¨ An anonymous bully could be someone from school, or someone you’ve met online. It goes without saying that you should be very careful when giving out your mobile number to people you barely know. Every time you do so, keep a record of who you've given your number to. That list could be useful if you’re every trying to work out the identity of a phone bully.
¨ Often, the bullies won’t make any attempt to hide their identity. They’ll be confident that your fear of them will be enough to keep you quiet.
¨ Remember, they can’t hurt you if you report them as it’s illegal to harass people and they can be stopped straight away. It’s important to stop the bullies as early as possible - there’s a good chance that even if they stop bullying you they may soon start on someone else.
¨ There’s no need to be over-cautious, and most people will never experience any sort of mobile bullying, but it's certainly something to bear in mind. If you do find yourself being bullied via your phone, remember there are loads of things you can do to put a stop to it.
¨ NEVER ignore threats, either verbal or by phone or via text message. But don't respond in the way the bully wants you to. When people advise you to "just ignore it", what they really mean is "do not respond to the taunts and provocation or engage the bullies, but take careful note of what is being done to you, who is doing it and how, make a note of the time and date and log all of this in a diary. Keep all messages if there’s space in your phone. Phone companies can use this information to help trace who sent them.
¨ Then tell someone immediately get your parents involved and develop a strategy for dealing with it which you are all agreed on".
¨ Understand what bullying is so that when it starts you can stay in control and nip it in the bud. Do your homework now.
¨ Often the bullies just send abusive messages to get a reaction out of you. If you ignore their messages and don't give them a reaction then there’s more chance they’ll get bored and stop. After all, they won’t even know whether you’ve seen the message or not until you respond to it.
¨ Remember, the bullies are playing a nasty game. They want you to be afraid and to respond. If you not only know the rules of the game but don’t even play it, they should eventually stop playing it themselves.
¨ Bullies derive gratification - a perverse sense of satisfaction - from the power and control they put over their victim. The aim of bullies is power, control, domination and subjugation. Bullies confirm the power and control by use of provocation. When the target responds, it's a sign that the bully has successfully exerted control. They jerk your string, make you jump. By refusing to jump, you deny the bully their sense of satisfaction.
Stay in control. This is a game, a nasty game, but a game. Learn the rules of the game: it's about power and control. Tell yourself repeatedly that the threats, accusation, allegations, criticisms etc have NOTHING PERSONAL WHATSOEVER to do with you. It is a device for taunting, a fabrication, a deception, but most of all the bully's own weaknesses, shortcomings, and failings. Every nasty word is an admission by the bully about themselves.¨ Sometimes the accusation, allegations, criticisms and taunts contain within them a grain of truth. This grain of truth is there to fool you into thinking that all the abuse is true, which it isn't. DON'T BE FOOLED by this trick!
¨ You can work out who is calling and pursue a course of action which will call them to account. It's unlikely you will have the resources to do this by yourself, so get help.
¨ The most common triggers for bullying are rejection, jealousy and envy - who might this apply to? Do this in collaboration with a trusted parent and don't tell anyone else that you are keeping a diary.
¨ Research and experience show that parents are wary of approaching their child's school about bullying sometimes because their child worries that this will just make things worse. Often parents' own experiences of school lead them to fear the power imbalance between themselves and teachers.
¨ However, all schools have an anti-bullying policy and many schools work closely with parents and the wider community to tackle bullying using a variety of methods such as:
o Home and school agreements.
o Homework diaries.
o School councils.
¨ Encourage involvement by pupils, parents and staff.
¨ Also ask yourself the following questions. Is there anything else bothering your child? Have there been changes in your family like a new baby, or divorce or separation?
¨ It may be that you have found out that your child is bullying other children at school. This may not surprise you if they have been aggressive at home, either to you, or their brothers or sisters.
¨ You will play an important role in helping them stop this behaviour.
¨ Groups and workshops give you the opportunity to share your experiences with other parents and to get some fresh ideas on how to help you and your children make the most of life.
Remember all bullying is wrong.
www.anti-bullyingalliance.org/
www.bullying.co.uk
www.bullyonline.co.uk
www.childline.org.uk
www.antibully.org.uk
www.stoptxtbully.com
www.kidscape.org.uk
www.parentlineplus.org.uk